Dwelling in Possibility

Emily Dickinson wrote, “I dwell in possibility.” Take a moment and just let that statement sink in. Say it aloud if you must.

Most of us grew up dwelling in ‘impossibility’. By the time we were two years old we heard the word ‘no’ about 10,000 times. From those who had the best of intentions, we may have learned that it is best not to dream too big, not to take on too much risk, not to try anything new. So our lives became a box. Our house is a box, our car is a box, and our place of business (the cubicle or office) is a box. Not to be morbid, but let’s face it most of us will be buried in a box. Except for occasional vacations, where we break free from the daily routine, grind, and drudgery most of are dwelling in impossibility. Is it any wonder so many of us are so miserable?

The boxes of our lives have all but destroyed our hopes and dreams. And, it really doesn’t matter if we buy bigger boxes. A bigger house has bigger bills so we have to work longer hours. When we finally get home to enjoy the space, we are so exhausted we simply collapse in front of the television (another box). A fancier car (higher monthly payments, higher maintenance costs, more anxiety over each and every stone chip) . Finally, we decide we need a new job to pay for our new boxes. Probably we didn’t like our old job anyway, so we find a new one, then realize it demands even more of our time and attention, and we hate it too.

Some boxes we don’t buy, but build. We build a box around our shyness, our fears, our pain, our past experiences, and our desire for the approval of others. We think these hand built boxes keep us safe, actually, they just keep others out and keep us in. They limit our friendships, keep us small, and extinguish our hope. In them too, we dwell in impossibility.

Impossibility we know. We are good at it, and in fact, we’ve become experts. But we do not know possibility. We’ve put possibility in a box, sealed it up tight, and shipped it far away. Possibility asks too much of us, demands more courage than we think we have, and forces us to look at our life in a way that exposes our dependencies. Possibility requires not only that we get out of the boxes of our lives but that we become independent of them, disassemble and destroy them, and never again seek their comfort.

Dwelling in possibility requires three steps: (1) myob; (2) myob; and (3) myob. That’s ‘mind your own business’.

The first box we ever built was constructed around something we tried to do, like trying to fit in to a particular group and not making the cut. Like trying out for cheerleading because all your friends did and being in the first group that got the ‘axe’. Dwelling in possibility means that fitting in, is not our priority. Meeting the expectations of others is not our goal. Dwelling in possibility means we do what comes natural to us, in other words, we mind our own business, and the group where we fit in will find us.

The second type of box we built for our lives reminds us that we tried once before to live our dreams and it was very embarrassing when it didn’t work. Someone rejected our creative effort, laughed at our ‘gall’, told us we simply were not good enough. Dwelling in possibility means that getting the approval of others is not our priority because we mind our own business. Dwelling in possibility means we pursue our dreams not because we hope to be accepted by others, but because our dreams are who we are. Our dreams, not our boxes, define us.

The third type of box we built for our lives tells us that we must keep up with the neighbors, our co-workers, our friends. This box adds untold complexity to our lives; this is the bigger house, car, better job box. Dwelling in possibility means we don’t have to keep up. We mind our own business. We do what is best for us, by surrounding ourselves with only the things we love, because we love them. Not because our neighbor loves them, or has them, but because, they make our lives simpler and more beautiful.

To dwell in possibility means you don’t have to fit in. You don’t have to be liked or accepted, you don’t have to do what others do. Dwelling in possibility means that it is impossible to limit your goodness, to hide your gifts and talents, to diminish the joy and laughter you were sent to the planet to deliver, to cover up your dreams. No box could possibly contain you.

Dwelling in possibility … it’s what life is all about.